The Art of Bagging Groceries Has Died
There are two kinds of people in this world: the kind who strategically and meticulously categorize their groceries on the belt in assumption that the bagger is equally as anal-retentive as you, and the kind who doesn't give a DAMN if their produce is bagged with their dairy products (and I'll just take this moment to say there is something very wrong with you;)
I saw a quote/tweet the other day that pertained to this particular way of life - yes, I referred to this as a way of life - because if it resonates with you at all, you know exactly what living like this feels like. The need to have everything a certain way, in control, perfect and organized, and quite possibly, dare I say, #CATEGORIZED?
From a very young age, I've been a #bossy little bitch. Yes. I own it. Watching old home videos literally makes me cringe as I view myself telling everyone what to do and how to do it. But before you go judging away, I should defend myself. It didn't come from a place of #meangirl. I truly believed in my way of thinking, that my way was FOR SURE the right way. In my head, if we DID do it a different way, it was going to be an absolute TRAIN WRECK. How could this neighbor girl possibly believe that our production of Hansel and Gretel on her back porch would be relevant if Gretel didn't go to a royal ball instead of following some stupid bread crumb trail AND I wasn't the director? DUH.
"From a very young age, I've been a bossy little bitch."
So is this where it all stems from? Is it because we are #TYPEA or #TYPEB? Is having our groceries bagged "properly" part of our personality type or is it because we just like things a certain way? You could say for me it's a no-brainer - I've always gravitated toward needing structure and control and organization. But I've gotta be honest - I ENVY you people out there that don't give a shit. It must be the most amazing and liberating feeling in the WORLD to not care if you have to unpack half of a grocery bag at the fridge and the other half in the pantry. Just please don't ever get a job bagging groceries at a grocery store in my vicinity:)
It is CONSUMING dealing with this crap on a daily basis. But alas, this is my reality. And apparently many others out there. I had an OUTPOUR of responses when posting the quote on INSTAGRAM. It's an epidemic. I mean, clearly, the art of bagging groceries HAS died. With the development of self check-out, why train anyone to categorize the groceries? I'll tell ya' why - BECAUSE OF PEOPLE LIKE ME. Who have two bratty kids that scream and fall out of carts (yes, that happened once - WINNINGGGGGGG) as I'm trying to scan, bag and pay for a huge cart of groceries. Oh, and THANK YOU Target for giving us 800 different ways to get the discounts OURSELVES with a freakin' scan app that requires you to SCAN EVERY ITEM in your cart to see if it even HAS a discount, entering our phone number, entering how many recyclable bags we brought, digital coupons, paper coupons, and on it goes. By the time I have navigated the Target discount options it's literally been like 15 minutes, 3 sibling fights later, and I haven't even scanned a single item. Oh, and because there ARE so many discount options, I ALWAYS forget one. I realize it the second I'm done checking out and feel like a gigantic FAILURE because I missed 5% off of my strawberries. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! It's exhausting. And you know how this ALLLLLL could have been avoided? If I hadn't gone through self-checkout with my two insane children that are spoiled rotten and were screaming for treats the entire time ( I do love them). And the reason I did that was to AVOID the inevitable #grocerybagging NIGHTMARE that it has become in regular checkout (and also, let's be honest - sometimes you'll do anything to avoid human contact when it's been "a day").
So how do we fix it? We can't change our ridiculously STABLE and LOGICAL brain types. Do we talk to the bagger? I'd rather chew broken glass than tell anyone how to do their job - yes, you'll be happy to know I have changed my childhood bossy tendencies, thanks to being forced to watch said home videos over and over and over again.
Well, I'm about to change your life here, if it hasn't been already. I bought these a couple of years ago from Amazon and they have been a GAME CHANGER. It's literally impossible to screw up bagging groceries. When I hand them to a bagger, they look at me with a fondness that can only be compared to as #loveatfirstsight. The bagger says with their eyes "thank you, you complete me". It's like you did them this SOLID that took every ounce of bad they had that day off of their shoulders for even just a moment (and just think of how many OUNCES of bad a grocery bagger goes through a day). I give you... Earthwise Deluxe COLLAPSIBLE Reusable Shopping Bags. You're WELCOME.
I don't know if I'll ever be able to control my impulse to wanna swat a bagger's hand as he/she puts a bag of meat in with a bottle of hooch, but it's nice to know I have options. I think the leading one will be leaving the kids at home with their dad and hittin' the #hooch in the car. TGIF Y'ALL!!!!!